Black Rays

I wish I still had the weed my mom took away when she rummaged through my room one day when I was away for school. It sort of kept me company at night. She was Lady Jane, my nightly haunt, and her breath smelled like old cheese and she turned my nights around with her spell. 

Recently life has been a number of Youtube videos at night and trying so hard to sleep. My bed isn’t the comfiest of all but it’s somewhere to lay. I still need cold floors. I roll whenever I can. If I was looking for anything it would be anything that’s worth and eventual. TEDx is just a day away and I’m not worried about it, which is a bad thing. Tomorrow’s gonna be a lot of hauling and getting here and there and making things meet. It’s gonna be a challenge, but it’s the last one before the big day.

I don’t wanna talk about work.

And then there’s thesis. It’s been holding out for so long and I’ve talked to so many people about what it’s going to do and I’ve put it off for the longest time, like it’s the back of my plans. I’ve quite a gut that I’m going to extend another semester at school. I don’t really mind. My mom’s just worried about spending another half a year but I’ll work to get it covered.

And with that, what’s after graduation? I’m nowhere close figuring out where I’m headed. 

I wanna leave this city. I wanna leave the people behind. I wanna start somewhere new. I want to find something unusual and learn it, and love it, and escape with it, and eventually leave it. I don’t wanna stay. I don’t wanna settle down. I don’t wanna rest. I want to move. I want to leave. I don’t need to be in the big cities in living the best of lives- I want to be raw, to be real, to be connected to the soil and burn with it. I want to wait tables and eat bread and cheese everyday, and long for the good comfort of home. I want to read books and talk to strangers and get lost in cities. Whatever it takes as long as I get away from the duty and responsibility on top of my shoulders. 

But what can I do? Just get through.


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