Bollocks

I’ve been screwing up a lot of things lately. Things I haven’t done right and things that I haven’t done at all. Maybe it’s a phase, right? Illustration class sucked balls, damn well cause I couldn’t draw. My fingers feel like marble and stone. My head is dry and I feel like running a mill rather than building one.

I’m drained. I think the break did so well to me and I’m still on a roll. From Manila to Camotes to midnight street rides oh boy, did those nights drain me of juice. I couldn’t do anything well. Or maybe it all just felt like a routine to me, that’s all- and routines are the bane of my existence

Nonetheless I’m not yet choked up in schoolwork, but I’ve got a lot to prepare and look forward to. December’s coming up and I’m looking forward to bright lights. I just want to feel back on track and I thought movies would do the trick but hey, I feel like a silverfish curling up into a ball everytime I’m stuck with one. And all the games in the computer just call out to me and say “Hey fucking play with me”, and shit- I wish I had a creative designer buddy to talk things with. I’ve screwed up the job with Film Distribution, haven’t been the most attentive guy ever. I’ve screwed up a lot of jobs but maybe not this one, but I just did and my ass is going to get killed seriously…

Sometimes I wish I could meet better people. Better career-wise. People who intimidate me and challenge me to do my worst (or my best). Drop the balls, I haven’t felt anything like that since college.

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